I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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