Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
