I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i came on her dog
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
