He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
