I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
tell me about the fingering
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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