Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
