Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
