We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
