I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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