Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
