I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
