she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
