I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
