if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
