the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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