If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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