i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
