Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
