I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
