If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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