Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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