I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
