I think my vagina is haunted
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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