I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
