Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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