Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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