I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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