also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
