yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
