I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Randomize
