He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
