if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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