hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
