On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
