Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
