So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
