Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i think my cat just said my name.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
