I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
