well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
