They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
