I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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