he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
