The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
