A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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