nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
