Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
