i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
