he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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