I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
