Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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