my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
